5/10/10

Done With Moon: Eighth Testimony: "Someone else’s choice had changed my standing with God."

I am surprised that this hasn’t come up yet: The Unification Church believes that being a survivor of rape is equivalent to committing fornication and adultery.

I was at my first second generation blessing workshop when I was 16, and one of the questions to the panel of church authorities was whether or not rape counted as falling. The answer was a simple, yes. Next question. My adolescent heart sank, my fears were confirmed. No explanation, sympathy, nor road back offered . Someone else’s choice had changed my standing with God.

I remember hearing stories about how Korean girls used to carry small knives in their honboks so that they could kill themselves and thus die rather than lose their virginity. I wished I had killed myself. Furthermore, because of the church’s teachings, I felt I *should* have killed myself, and that I had somehow wronged God by not killing myself.

I remember when Jinjoo Byrne was murdered, everyone was relieved that she had been killed before her body was raped. Like it made it any better. I remember people saying that it was better she had died than lose her lineage. I am still repulsed.

I can never tell anyone in the Unification Church what happened to me, because even though I know now (after years of nightmares and lots of therapy) that it wasn’t my fault, I know it makes me “fallen” in the eyes of members.

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